Being yourself is a trap

In a world that constantly tells us to ‘be ourselves,’ what if the real trap lies in that very advice?

From close friends to motivational gurus, everyone champions the idea of being yourself as the path to happiness, peace, success, and fulfillment.

Yes, the notion of “being yourself” is inspiring, even liberating, but have you considered what it truly costs in our lives?

I’ll explore this thought in this blog.

The History of “Being Yourself”

The mantra of “being yourself” dates back to the Romantic era when self-expression was highly valued. Literature of that time celebrated this concept, carrying it forward through the centuries into the modern era.

With the rise of wars and the decline of empires, a generation emerged, plagued by depression, yearning for happiness. “Being themselves” provided the pleasure and comfort that past traumas could never guarantee.

Being an Introvert

As an introvert and someone with social anxiety, I’ve always preferred a secluded life. I enjoy the company of only a few close people and find it exhausting to engage in large groups. This is me, being myself. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with being an introvert — since that’s how my brain works — it comes at a cost in an extrovert-dominated world.

Society often celebrates those who are outgoing, who can network effortlessly and speak up in meetings. In professional settings, being quiet can be misinterpreted as lacking confidence or ambition.

There’s pressure to push beyond my comfort zone to meet social expectations — whether it’s attending networking events or making small talk. While these experiences can sometimes lead to growth, they also leave me feeling drained and disconnected.

If I have the privilege of being myself, I will embrace it wholeheartedly, but I recognize that it comes at the cost of missed experiences, personal growth, and the opportunity to build a broader network of connections.

Staying in Your Comfort Zone

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you have your comfort zones. You choose paths that bring you peace, happiness, and overall comfort. When you’re settled in yourself, chances are you won’t venture out of that comfort zone. In my life, stepping out of my comfort zone has often led to anxiety and stress. So whenever my brain senses danger, I retreat to my safe zone, being myself in my comfort zone. This has cost me opportunities to explore, network, and experience life. And if someone asks me why I didn’t take those chances, I can’t just say, “I was being myself”! Or can I?

Being Yourself Nowadays

The modern idea of “being yourself” traces back to the Romantic era’s concept, yet the expression has evolved over time. Like a river that changes shape but remains water, expressionism has also transformed.

While the original idea was to embrace one’s true nature without much interference from external forces, in the 21st century, the focus has shifted. Today, “being yourself” is often more about justifying the status quo than encouraging self-exploration and growth.

Being Yourself in a Capitalist Society

In a capitalist society, money drives our lives. There is a crucial clash between “being yourself” and the realities of survival and success. The world runs on consumer spending, and pleasure comes at a price — whether it’s a home, education, or simply a gadget.

While jobs provide the means to afford these, they don’t always value your authentic self. Many employees act like completely different people at work. In several instances, “being yourself” could backfire in a workplace. True opinions are suppressed, personalities are hidden, and all that matters is the company’s image, which you represent as an employee or CEO.

The harsh truth is that in the pursuit of financial stability, the luxury of “being yourself” may not always be viable, especially if it doesn’t align with the expectations of those who hold the keys to your livelihood.

Oscar Wilde once said,

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

Being Yourself on Social Media

Social media is the most curated illusion we encounter daily, where the true self takes a back seat to perfection. People post edited reels, not their raw realities, creating a false sense of what life should be. This fuels FOMO (fear of missing out) and pressures everyone to keep up. This pressure forces viewers to present an ideal version of themselves at every point in life, where “being oneself” falls to the wayside.

The reality is, circumstances dictate what we share — polished photos, filtered emotions, and scripted captions — all to fit in and be validated.

How Should You Be Yourself?

Well, there’s no definitive way to justify “being yourself.” Growth comes from constant change, self-correction, and challenging yourself. But is this world made for everyone? Can everyone challenge themselves to become a different version, for better or worse?

I know that stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to move forward, no matter where you’re headed in life. But where is the line that separates “stepping out of your comfort zone” from “being yourself”?

Let me underline this: “being yourself” can limit growth and progress. On the other hand, “not being yourself” could be stressful, ultimately leading you away from your natural behavior and attitude.

The whole point here is to share thoughts I don’t have a clear answer to. I think all we can do is stay open to whatever comes our way. Take some things, leave others. After all, being yourself is like wearing the same outfit every day. Maybe we need to try on some different outfits, just so we can benefit from the change.